For those thick as shit, heres a dummies guide to riding a bus.

We make it easy.

Recently I've noticed a lot of thick people going on busses, and the fact they generally piss me off. So I've decided to make the journey home, or from home easier for everyone. Heres out easy step by step article.

Getting on.

The first part, the inital IQ test. If you fail this bit then forget the bus, walk, you wont offend me that way.

Put your arm out to signal to the driver that you want to get on. If the bus is full(that'll come later) then it wont stop. In which case don't throw stuff at the bus, its not the drivers fault everyone wants to go home at 5o'clock.
Get the right bus first, it's unbelieveable the ammount of people that get on then ask the driver "which route is this?", theres a huge fucking sign on the front that says what number and where the bus goes, read it before you get on!
Get any change ready. If you are getting on the bus then before you get on, then make sure you've got your wallet out, FIRST. Why make everyone wait to get on and get to where their going, because you've got money in your bag. Ask people at the bus stop before you get on if you dont know how much it is.
Get the right company. Yes I've done this, Its not my fault that they're both red busses and I thought they were the same company.
Finally, Get a bus pass, it'll save you more hassle later in the day/week getting on.

Embarking on the bus

Once your on, and you've paid the driver the correct ammount, to the correct place then you can get a seat.

First try and get a seat upstairs(if available), don't refuse to sit next to someone, sit 2 per seat(more for bigger seats).
Then look downstairs, this isn't the first thing to do, unless you have a disability then you are allowed to sit downstairs, otherwise the same rules apply for upstairs.
Finally if there is no seats available(and I mean not 1) then you may stand. First dont stand by the door, the driver cant see out of the mirror, and you'll fall off if the door is opened. Start at the back, and dont, under ANY circumstances, stand 1 next to another, you'll only inconvienience others later.

So in summery if theres no seats then stand 1 behind another, like in a conga, but dont touch the persons arse infront that'll get you arrested.

Getting off

This bit is simple, but once again for the stoopid people heres some tips.

Press the bell first, this signals to the driver that 1 or more persons want to get off.
If the bell has already been rung since the last stopping then theres no need to press it again.
If no bell is available, the ask the driver nicely "next stop please"
Stand up BEFORE the bus has stopped, doing anything else while the bus is busy will mean you have to walk back further.
Just before you disembark say a compliment to the driver, such as "thanks", "thank you", "cheers", etc. this means the driver is then happy that he or she has helped someone.
When the doors open, jump, seriously, if the bus is stopped then jump. If your thick, then jump while the veichle is still in motion.

In review

If you've read this guide then your on your way to making busses that bit nicer and faster. Now I hope you've taken it in, as there will be a test next time you get on.